Aku benci jatuh cinta. Aku benci merasa senang bertemu lagi dengan kamu, tersenyum malu-malu, dan menebak-nebak, selalu menebak-nebak. Aku benci deg-degan menunggu kamu online. Dan di saat kamu muncul, aku akan tiduran tengkurap, bantal di bawah dagu, lalu berpikir, tersenyum, dan berusaha mencari kalimat-kalimat lucu agar kamu, di seberang sana, bisa tertawa. Karena, kata orang, cara mudah membuat orang suka denganmu adalah dengan membuatnya tertawa. Mudah-mudahan itu benar.

Aku benci terkejut melihat SMS kamu nongol di inbox-ku dan aku benci kenapa aku harus memakan waktu begitu lama untuk membalasnya, menghapusnya, memikirkan kata demi kata. Aku benci ketika jatuh cinta, semua detail yang aku ucapkan, katakan, kirimkan, tuliskan ke kamu menjadi penting, seolah-olah harus tanpa cacat, atau aku bisa jadi kehilangan kamu. Aku benci harus berada dalam posisi seperti itu. Tapi, aku tidak bisa menawar, ya?

Aku benci harus menerjemahkan isyarat-isyarat kamu itu. Apakah pertanyaan kamu itu sekadar pancingan atau retorika atau pertanyaan biasa yang aku salah artikan dengan penuh percaya diri? Apakah kepalamu yang kamu senderkan di bahuku kemarin hanya gesture biasa, atau ada maksud lain, atau aku yang-sekali lagi-salah mengartikan dengan penuh percaya diri?

Aku benci harus memikirkan kamu sebelum tidur dan merasakan sesuatu yang bergerak dari dalam dada, menjalar ke sekujur tubuh, dan aku merasa pasrah, gelisah. Aku benci untuk berpikir aku bisa begini terus semalaman, tanpa harus tidur. Cukup begini saja.

Aku benci ketika kamu menempelkan kepalamu ke sisi kepalaku, saat kamu mencoba untuk melihat sesuatu di handycam yang sedang aku pegang. Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kepala kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa.

Aku benci ketika logika aku bersuara dan mengingatkan, “Hey! Ini hanya ketertarikan fisik semata, pada akhirnya kamu akan tahu, kalian berdua tidak punya anything in common,” harus dimentahkan oleh hati yang berkata, “Jangan hiraukan logikamu.”

Aku benci harus mencari-cari kesalahan kecil yang ada di dalam diri kamu. Kesalahan yang secara desperate aku cari dengan paksa karena aku benci untuk tahu bahwa kamu bisa saja sempurna, kamu bisa saja tanpa cela, dan aku, bisa saja benar-benar jatuh hati kepadamu.

Aku benci jatuh cinta, terutama kepada kamu. Demi Tuhan, aku benci jatuh cinta kepada kamu. Karena, di dalam perasaan menggebu-gebu ini; di balik semua rasa kangen, takut, canggung, yang bergumul di dalam dan meletup pelan-pelan…

aku takut sendirian

tanda tanya

I am not angry, i am not complaining neither. I just don't understand.
At some points, you just simply not understandable. Don't say that i haven't try to understand you. This post is a prove that i still keep trying to understand. At some points, i just don't get it. The way you think, the way you act, the way you process the thoughts about circumstances.

I am not a psychology student. I am a business student. But i don't think i have to major in psychology to understand the behavior of a friend of mine.

I heard you very clearly. And i also think that's the best. I am not expecting more, i am not wanting something special, nor keeping a feeling. No, i am not. If that's what you are afraid of, then i am telling you that i am not. Really.

Is it that hard to just go normally ? We are good friend. I believe we are. But in some particular points, i just simply don't get it. I am clueless. I believe that, avoidance, ignorance, and neglect doesn't help. You don't need to explain if you don't want to. You don't need to tell me neither, if that's what you want. Takes as much time as you wish, as you need, as you want. But you have to know that there is someone out there who simply can't get you, sometimes. And that person is me.

Is there anything i can do to make it better ? to understand you better. to comfort you better. to suit you better. I never mean to irritate you, in any sense. Because i also don't want to be irritated as well. Just tell me what you want me to do, what i need to do and how to do it. For the sake of normal friendship, please. Let's have a mutual understanding.

escape the fate - harder than you know

You said this could only get better
There's no rush cause we have each other
You said this would last forever
But now I doubt if I was your only lover


Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same
Cause I'm not over you


Baby, don't talk to me
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder than you know
Cause girl you're driving me so crazy


How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time I guess I'll go away (I'll go away)
Inside me now there's only heartache and pain
So where's the fire? You've become the rain


Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same
Cause I'm not over you


Baby, don't talk to me
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder than you know
Girl you're driving me so crazy

And if you don't want me than
I guess I'll have to go (I guess I'll have to go)
Not loving you is harder than you know
(Yeah)


So I'll make the call
And I'll leave today
I'm gonna miss you cause I love you baby

And I'll make the call
I'm leaving today
And leaving always drives me crazy

Leaving always drives me crazy


Baby, don't talk to me
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder than you know
(Yeah)

Baby, don't talk to me
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder than you know
Cause girl you're driving me so crazy

And if you don't want me than
I guess I'll have to go
Not loving you is harder than you know
Girl You're driving me so crazy


Baby, don't talk to me
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder than you know
Cause girl you're driving me so crazy

it is just fine

Anda pernah ditolak ?Saya jelas pernah..
Karena saya laki-laki,
Kalau "menolak" itu kerjanya perempuan..

Well, i have something to be spilled out of my mind about this "being rejected issue".
I several times saw couples of my friend being really down after being rejected by some particular girls. Then i started questioning, why are he so down after that brave moment. He replied "I felt somehow, embarrassed.." Then i continued "Why you felt embarrassed ?". He carry on "I don't know, i just felt somehow want to disappear for the time being. I really like this girl, but she refuse me.."

Okay. I try to understand his circumstances, as well. I know that it is not easy to face that. But, i have my own thoughts about this particular issue.

According to me, there is nothing wrong with being, let say, rejected. Since there's nothing wrong to confessing your feeling toward someone, and there's also nothing wrong with not having the same feeling towards someone.
The message is, for you boys, it is totally fine to confess that you like or love a girl. On the other hand, for you girls, it is also totally fine to say to him that you are not feeling the same way.
Do i have make it clear ?

Moreover, i also imagine that, asking a girl to be your girlfriend or asking her to have a relationship with you is like asking somebody to go picnic with you. First, you have to tell her where you'll go. Then try explain to her, what's the feature of that place. If it is a park, then why make this park special. And if it is beach, then explain to her why you should go to that beach. What's this picnic is all about. etc. But at the end, she got her full right to choose. Whether she want to go with you or not. Am i right ? Maybe she got somewhere else to go or something else to do.

So, the point is, you already have a courage and full efforts to ask her to go with you. In spite the fact she decided to not going, then it is just fine. Totally fine, right ? You have do your best efforts trying to convey your purposes, you already gather totally enough courage to confess it, and most importantly, you've been honest to yourself. In fact she's got her own choice, her own preference, her own decision, you can't push it. You sell it your dream, and she doesn't want to buy it, then it is just okay. You still can sell it to another person who maybe more interested and sharing the same dream with you.

bodoh

udah lama ga buka blog ini
ahahhaha, kelas 3 sibuuuuk banget
nabilalalalalalalalala

romansa jelita

aku tulis puisi ini dalam keheningan malam...

di temani nyanyian jangkrik dan lantunan sang katak...

sepintas angan ku melayang menusuk kalbu....

menembus ruang di siang itu...

jari jemari yang berdansa di tuts tuts keyboard.....

tatapan nanar yang menyinari monitor...

hingga bibir mungil mu yang berucap bahasa paskal.....

selalu, aku ingin dekat mu wahai jelita....

wkwkakwakw

valvety nite